DoEs ThE PeRfEcT LoVeR ExIsT? SiGh ! SiGh ! SiGh !

My pet question: do you believe that there’s a perfect someone out there for you?

From these informing polls I got from the people I spoke to, the answer is clear – an overwhelming majority that I received firmly believe in the existence of a perfect lover (meaning 100% perfect in every way). Not only that, some also believe that it is possible to change who is not quite “up-to-standard” to the ideal in their mind. But here’s the shocker: for those who have had a relationship or two, and have experienced break-ups due to whatever reasons, they think that the perfect lover is an illusion. The truth is, they would be very happy if they could find someone who can match 60% of their expectations.

Personally, my definition of a “perfect lover” sits somewhere between the overly optimistic 100% and the pessimistic 60%. I think it is good enough if I could find someone who has 80% to 90% of what I look for in a partner. No one is perfect, so I am not looking for someone who is made from an exact cookie-mould of my dreams. But what if she is just 40% perfect? Does it mean I should jump at the chance of a relationship with her and then hope to change her into my perfect lover?

I won’t and I can’t. The perfect lover is not achieved by forcing an unsuitable partner into drastic changes to meet my needs. I don’t jump into a relationship, just because she’s available and interested! I spend time searching around and thinking of the kind of partner who will suit me best. Hopefully i will find someone who matches my expectation more closely. If you guys out there think it’s easier to just grab someone and change her into what you want, I’m sorry to disappoint you with the truth. Not only is the process going to be tough, it will also end up with two totally frustrated people; you and her or vice versa

It really doesn’t matter which aspect of my partner that I am dissatisfied with. However, i should try to stop her from smoking, from frequencing certain places that I disapprove of, or from dressing in a way that disagree with me. Changing someone way of life isn’t easy in spite of this in the same way as long as she thinks she doesn’t need to change or improve on herself, I’ll never succeed in moulding her into my ideal woman. I always remember, she has to want to change herself in the first place. If not, the change would not take place, even she loves me.

You may wonder, what hurt can it cause from a little nagging on our part just to change her into little Miss Perfect? Here’s what: i spend day after day, month after month, and year after tear of pushing her to change – only to realise that she still has that same irritating trait that she had from day one. Or that she would do as i say when I am around, but revert to her old self when she thinks I am not looking. I get disappointed in her; all the time and saliva spent on explaining why the change was necessary and beneficial to her, and yet she ignores me like I am a microscopic algae. For example, i try to get her to quit smoking. But she tells me that her lungs are fine, that nicotine doesn’t harm her, and by the way, she wants to break up with me because she has found someone who likes her the way she is. (What a bummer!)

And she’s right (about the last thing). everyone deserves to be loved for the way he or she is. Before entering into any romantic relationship now, I shall ask myself if I am happy with her. While it’s true that i could all do with some improvement, it is essential that i like my partner for who she is right now (so clique har). Don’t buy into the notion that i can get her to change herself once we both fall in love. For now, she isn’t what I am looking for, thus i set her free for some other lucky guy, and i can continue with my search. But now if i truly like a girl, I would work at really appreciating her instead of starting on my ‘educating’ mission. The pure 100% perfect lover exists, but only in fairytales. And that’s where it should stay.